


He knows

by ec629



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A rather sad fic that no one asked for, Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, post episode 11
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 17:14:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8853535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ec629/pseuds/ec629
Summary: Yuuri dared a glance upwards and saw Victor closing his eyes and he willed himself not to notice how the hand Victor was now using to swipe his bangs was trembling. When he reopened his eyes, his face became unreadable, even to Yuuri. That was the same look he had throughout the course of tonight. And that look, scared him more than anything....Or the aftermath of that sentence





	

“After the final, let’s end this.”

The words came out in a rush and it sounded harsh, even in his own ears. He could only guess how it would be for Victor when he heard the syllables tumbling out of his mouth.

He has been thinking about this a lot lately and after tonight, after seeing those myriad of emotions on Victor’s face, the realization hit him harder than ever and whatever courage he had in him just came surging through up.

He was tying Victor down, there was no denying that.

Yes, he had talked about retiring for as long as he could remember and whatever the results were tomorrow, that decision would still remain unchanged. He had already hit his peak and if he hung onto the line stubbornly, unwilling to let go, the podium he spent so much blood and sweat building would just come crashing down beneath him, just like last year. But Yuuri retiring didn’t mean Victor should do so too. Yuri knew in his heart that that was something Victor would do for him. He would retire just for him and just the thought of that tugged a heartstring in his chest. The relationship they had built over the past eight months had been so strong that they seemed to be inseparable. Being able to spent so much time with Victor was one of the best things that had ever happened in his life. It all had been so surreal and magical. Every teasing word, flirtatious touch Victor said and did, however, now all seemed so distant for some reason. 

The scene how Victor stood unmoving, the way he looked at Yuri’s performance, the way how he was so memorized by it that his voice came unnoticed to him will forever be imprinted in his mind, and that scene, was what further set his emotions haywire. Victor’s eyes were trained on the skaters who were fluttering and spinning on the ice. The longing and the sadness were no doubt evident on his face.

Victor yearned to be back into the field and if that wasn’t the case, there were so much more talent in this world that deserved his coaching.

Victor always belonged, no deserved, to be in the limelight, but with Yuuri, he certainly wouldn’t be able to do so. Yuri on the other hand, would certainly flourish better under his coaching and choreography. Him breaking the world record, set by _Victor,_ just proved all of his thoughts right. 

Something flashed across Victor’s face as the words sank in, and he sat still, the smile that was playing coyly on his face faded a little. Victor was always good at keeping his emotions to himself and that was one of the many things Yuuri himself had learnt from Victor in these past eight months. He really didn’t know if that was a good thing or not.

“What do you mean?” Victor’s voice wavered and Yuuri saw his eyes hardened just the tiniest bit that if they hadn’t spent this much time together, it would had gone unnoticed. Nevertheless, the soft smile was still ever present on his face and he was still looking at him in the eye.

_He knows. And he slipped on his mask_

_It is now or never_

Yuuri diverted his gaze, suddenly finding the floor extremely interesting to look at.

“Reg… regardless what will happen tomorrow, regardless the results, that performance will be my last one. That’s it. You… you should go back to Russia.”

Yuuri dared a glance upwards and saw Victor closing his eyes and he willed himself not to notice how the hand Victor was now using to swipe his bangs was trembling. When he reopened his eyes, his face became unreadable, even to Yuuri. That was the same look he had throughout the course of tonight. And that look, scared him more than anything.

“I know you are going to retire Yurri, I always had. Why, if I say I am surprised that will make me a terrible bo--listener right? Yuri did something extraordinary today. In fact, he did strike a deal with me earlier on how if…”

Victor’s uncharacteristically cheery voice faded into the background and Yuuri sat numbly there, nodding his head now and then, gaze still trained on the floor.

_He knows. He is breaking. But yet, he is still playing the exact same game I am now playing._

Somewhere deep inside him, there was a part where he wanted Victor to break down sobbing, to yell at him. Heck, he even wanted him to storm away silently, banging the door behind him. He knew it was wrong to think so, how selfish he was, wanting to keep Victor to himself. But perhaps, this just showed how much they relied on each other.

A shake of his shoulder tolled him back to reality and he saw Victor looking at him with those clear blue eyes of his. The hand resting on his shoulders sent electricity down his spine, making his heart beat erratically.

_Stop. Stop feeling. Stop thinking._

“I’m hitting the hay, big day ahead tomorrow.” He flashed Victor the most blinding smile he could muster. Victor smiled back too and stood up, muttering something about going to join the other coaches under his breath.

Yuri clambered into his bed as fast as he could and turned his body towards the window, and curled into a tight ball, as if that can shield away the hurt and uncertainly that was hitting him on all sides.

A rustle of clothing, the small click of the door.

All hell broke loose.

All the feelings that were bottled in him poured out. He couldn’t remember the last time which his heart ached this much nor the time which he cried this much. His chest convulsed as he desperately tried to even out his breathing and he covered his mouth as hardly as he could to muffle the sobs that just kept escaping.

_Stupid Victor._

Little did he know, tears were rolling down onto the floor on the other side of the door too.

 

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**Author's Note:**

> I just want to get this out of my head, after what that episode did to my poor heart. I'll probs continue this if I can come up with something that doesn't involve hearts breaking;))


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